I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
