Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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