My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
