I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
