drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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