You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
