i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
