member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize
