after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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