I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
