South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
