I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There are leaves in my underwear?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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