youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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