When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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