her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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