it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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