I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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