I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
