but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
