Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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