Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
