Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
