What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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