If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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