So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
