I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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