I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
