After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
