Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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