All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
