shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I skipped work to stalk him.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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