you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
