Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
