your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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