erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
