We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
