i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
