I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
