Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
