Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
