I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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