she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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