and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
