At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
