just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize