Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
