God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize