why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
