HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I know her cup size but not her name....
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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