Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
