I think I won the penis lottery.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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