Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
