And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
