Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
