he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
