Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
