Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
