In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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