How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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