is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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