Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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