Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
