It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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