you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
