this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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