I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
