I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize