Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
