i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Small penises have feelings too.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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