I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize