I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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