The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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