So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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