I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
