I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My ass is underappreciated
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
