ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
