Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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