My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
