I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
