just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
