Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize