I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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