Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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