Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
