the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
