So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
