Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
