you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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