When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
