It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
