U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Swine flu. Run for my life!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
